repatriation

We have been "home" a month.  It doesn't feel like home.  I feel disconnected.  I had a very difficult time with having people live in our home.  To me our home was a very sacred place.  Chris and I had worked so hard for our home.  Knowing others lived in here while we were away makes me uncomfortable.  Which is so odd as we have bought homes from people in the past.  I am not sure why this is different but it is. 

We have painted the entire house and now it is strange colors.  I am working on reconciling this in my head.  Its hard.  I feel like I am living in someone else's home.  I know this will pass and it is just difficult right now.

Everything is so different and yet the same.  I remember my first trip to Woolies and thinking where the heck is the cereal isle??  There were a few to choose from and we got used to it.  My first evening in Kroger I lost it somewhere around isle 13 and couldn't handle the sensory overload.  I managed to check out but came home with only some of the things I needed.  For those that never experience sensory overload be thankful.  It feels like everything all at once and your mind can not focus on any one thing.  You finger tips are on fire and your head feels as though it will implode.  You can not focus on anything. 

Today I picked up where I had left off before I left.  I dropped the girls at school and went to breakfast with my parents.  It was lovely but not "it" no lattes.  No vanilla slices.  No warm jam donuts. No smashed avo with poached eggs.  I used to take my mom grocery shopping with me often.  We had gotten into a comfortable routine where even mundane tasks are better with friends.  So we stopped at Aldi.  I ended up in tears around the fresh meat section.  Partly because I had forgotten my list I had worked so hard on and partly because instead of being welcomed into Aldi with fresh fruits and veggies I was welcomed with chocolates, chips, and other assorted junk food.  AND WHY is lamb so damn hard to find unless I am at Costco???  Our food is strange colors here and some of it tastes so strange.  I feel lost.

I am feeling overwhelmed and sad.  I feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  We were warned this would happen on our way back but as with most things you need to experience it to understand.

So here is to next month and hoping I start to feel more like myself.  It will get better.  Time heals all wounds and Australia stole my heart.